On one of the blogs I read regularly singlutionary.blogspot.com, I got a reply from the author (below) that made me think if Asian woman were really submissive, or if it was just a stereotype, and if guys really want a submissive woman?
"Bobbyboy: Thank you for using the phrase "wow-o-meter" and "alpha asian
women who are confident". Putting "alpha" and "asian women" together in
the same sentence fights some big ole steriotypes!"
Here's the full article with comments: It's a man hailstorm
It got me to thinking, would guys really want a submissive woman? Apparently, there are those who actually seek out woman who would bow down to them. There are agencies that cater to this as well as men traveling 1000's of miles just to go and find their submissive bride.
I don't know, all the Asian female friends I have in NYC are far from submissive. Hey, they'll kick your ass if you pull any of that, "Get me a drink woman" stuff. Some have said that Asian woman who come to the states from other countries become Americanized, meaning they see how American woman are with their partners and the shit they don't take from their men. Could be, I don't know, but if it's true, then good!
With all the different categories that people can be in when it comes to relationships, I was never quite sure where I fit in to all of it. But, one thing I know for sure is that I'm not attracted to submissive woman. I like a woman that can think for herself, express her opinions and damn well knows her self worth in the world.
I know I can't be alone in this!
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1 year ago
Of course, the real problem is stereotyping. American women aren't all pushy loud-mouths with ugly personalities, but that is one of the abiding stereotypes they get stuck with.
ReplyDeleteBy the same token, the vast majority of Asian women are, I suspect, far from submissive - they might let their man think they are, when it suits them, although I think it's probably really that they are a lot more laid-back about a lot of things and don't see many things (such as sex for instance??) as some kind of chore, but something to give and receive and get pleasure from doing well. Being of service to others should NOT be seen as demeaning to ANY of us, male or female, but rather excercise of a skill!
However, whatever your take on it, women the world over are actually usually in charge by one means or another. Long may it remain that way ;)
wow, I didn't even know there are stereotypes about asian women. I don't think it's because we become americanized or westernized. People are just different. Maybe it comes from the idea that asian women should take care their men, and everyone else assume that we're submissive. It doesn't mean that we take shit though =)
ReplyDeleteI think (or maybe I just hope) that most men are not looking for a submissive woman. A man would have to be very insecure to want to have such a one-sided relationship.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about the rest of the Asian countries, but my friends from China tell me that the women who are "willing" to become mail order brides really have no choice in the matter and the idea is sold to their families as a chance for the woman to have a better life. Very sad, but hopefully when they get here they'll realize that they have rights and other options.
Sometimes the submissive stance can be a front in order to achieve larger aims. I think women worldwide do this--with our history of disempowerment (I love that word! so useful!) we've had to buck the system by pretending not to buck it, to disarm men and dispel suspicious by pretending to be sheepish and demure. It's a theory.
ReplyDeleteChristina
CJ, long time no see my friend! I agree whole heartedly that service jobs should be given the respect they deserve. And yes, I know that woman can have a way of being in charge while not looking like they are ;)
ReplyDeleteHSG, yes, there certainly is, and has been, a stereotype for Asian woman. I think in some paternal countries, like Thailand, woman have a back seat still, although that's changing. So, if they come to the States for instance, they're going to have their culture with them-the man's in charge of the situation. Even if the woman really is ;)
Tina, yes, China and some other Asian nations have this type of situation. I believe it's built into the culture. There are other countries as well, and unfortunately, it starts off as sex slaves (kidnapping the ladies to another country).
Christina, you are deep inside of the discussion I see :) I also have had the feeling that woman tend to get their way by letting the men think that they made the decisions lol
Bobby! Thank you! I think that especially when it comes to sex, this stereotype is prevalent. Women in asian porn are typically very submissive/innocent. I had a guy tell me that I had some kind of extra secret sexuality because I am half-asian. I think that there are a lot of white American men who seek out Asian women specifically because of these stereotypes which is why I was so thrilled when you confessed an attraction to alpha asian women. The only times I've encountered men attracted specifically to asian women, it was BECAUSE of the sexually submissive porno type thinking. Yuck.
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts Bobby! I have often wondered this myself... No, men don't want and probably aren't attracted to the submissive woman- these days at least... as generations evolve. But there is something to kindness and doing loving things for your partner... big difference though. Hmmm.... you have me thinking with this post:)
ReplyDeleteYou know Singlutionary, I'm glad to see another Asian lady, half Asian in your case, stand up for what's right. I try not to judge anyone, but I am just not into any woman, Asian certainly, taking a back seat to me in a relationship. I don't see that as a relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to sex, I guess Asian woman are portrayed as submissive because that is what moves the porn industry in Asian countries? What they want to see?
What people want in the privacy of their bedroom is one thing, but I don't think for a minute that every Asian woman is sexually submissive.
And yes, I simply love alpha Asian females :)
Amy, oh, there is a very big difference indeed! When a lady does something nice for me, I am great full and feel her love. She is NOT being submissive to me by these type gestures!
I'm glad that I finally have you thinking instead of the other way around ;)