****Relationships really can work, if we're willing to be honest about them!****

About-Home-Contact-Helpful Resources

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Nice guys finish first!

Ok, here's some issues that I'd like to tackle as I've found them to be a major concern to many guys as well as ladies.

The premise is that nice guys finish last: really?

There are, in my opinion, two trains of though here. One is that a nice guy won't, for a number of reasons including shyness, get the girl, whereas a bad boy, or assertive guy will. Fair enough. I tend to agree with this statement, but must add to it, get the girl for what?

If getting the girl means getting laid, then yes, Mr. assertive has much better chances. If this is what the lady wants, then it's a win/win. I find nothing wrong with this. If however the lady wants a relationship, as many do, but the guy just wants sex, then it becomes a win/loss situation. I have heard so many ladies decry the wrongness of this situation that my head still spins. And if the guy was bullshitting just to get in the ladies pants, then I agree with her gripe here.

Many woman have stated that they like the excitement of the bad boy, the take charge attitude. Nothing wrong with this at all. But there is an irony here as well. Many of these same woman have said that they know the difference between what many bad boys want as compared to nice guys. They say, as a general rule, bad boys treat them in not the best ways ie: cheat on them, lie etc. They also claim that many nice guys don't take the lead. This many times is the case, but who says that nice guys have to take the lead? Why?

Times have changed and many woman have no problems starting a dialog with a guy. I think this is a grand idea and applaud these woman for taking charge and going after what they want! Many woman may be surprised to know that shy guys can and will take the lead in a relationship. albeit, it will be after he becomes comfortable with the lady. I know I do.

So ladies, you don't have to wait for a bad boy, or assertive guy, to make the first move to get an assertive guy that can make decisions. Did you know this?

There's a saying I use all the time to express a second thought:
"Woman date bad boys, but marry nice guys"

If in the end, a woman marries a nice guy who she probably feels is more responsible and has a much less chance of cheating and lying to her, then who really has finished last?

I think what could help dating and relationships quite a bit is to question ourselves on what we want and change, or define more decisively, what a nice guy really is. Let's face it, not everything is black or white. Bad boys aren't always bad, and nice guys aren't always nice either. But, for the reasons I sited above, it may be time to stop declaring sayings as fact such as "Nice guys finish last."

When all is said and done in long term relationships, Nice guys finish first!



  1. Yes, whatever they believe, many women date bad boys and marry nice guys - that's because bad boys are one hell of a lot more fun both in the sack and out of it, but nice guys are better husbands, fathers, providers, dish washers, etc., etc.

    Question is: do you want to have fun screwing women who love it, or do you want to spent your life worrying about your dish-pan hands? Sadly, unless you're an asshole, dish-pans are likely to be your main concern. Life's a bitch, eh? :)

  2. hahaha cj, I knew I could count on you for a quick smile :)

    I have found however, that there have been bad boys who were excellent Dads, husbands etc. Likewise, there have been nice guys who can be awfully fun to be with, and not too bad in the bedroom (at least I've been told) ;)

    Men as well as woman have seemed to not generalize, but put into law so many misconceptions about BB's and NG's, it would appear to me that many people are missing out big time. But such is the human condition-hear it enough times, it becomes true.

  3. Nice guys - bad boys? Honey it's all a load of crap!

    Not only are these stereotypes tiresome, they're also really unhelpful. For example, you seem to be hiding behind the "nice guy" label. Nice guys are shy. They aren't aggressive. But they make good husbands. Well, I know lots of nice guys who aren't shy, who can be aggressive and who have ex wives who will attest to the fact that they made lousy husbands.

    Each of us are individuals. We have our own, unique collection of attributes. Sometimes we want to grow or change our behavior. We have free will and can choose to be whatever we wish.

  4. interesting thought, but i guess whoever finishes is a good dishwasher?

  5. Hi Bobby, do you fancy being a Celebrity Writer? Please visit here for full details
    You have talent, get publicity for your blog and a fan following here - Leah
    aka creative-blogger

  6. @SG, there are nice guys and bad boys, and a mix of both. If you read carefully what I wrote, we agree to the extent that labeling as an absolute, is inaccurate. This is why I wrote the piece. (Not only are these stereotypes tiresome, they're also really unhelpful.)
    I wonder what makes you think I may be "Hiding" behind a nice guy label? As you so often say in your blog, you are who you are. I am as well.

    @Riza, I guess that's a possibility?

    @Leah, hi Leah, hope all is good with you and yours! To be honest, I haven't really given it much though. Thank you though for the compliment-you're too kind :)

  7. I think most often these "nice guys" put a label on themselves as being a nice guy. Let's say, the world is wonderful to be able to choose nice guy/bad boys for certain purpose ;) Nah, what I mean is be who you are is what is most important, it's not about finish first or being last.

  8. You might be right HSG. From what I read in many different places, nice guys finish last, or can't get the girl cause she wants a bad boy (maybe a more aggressive guy). So I'm not sure guys want to call themselves nice guys ;)

  9. I agree that nice guys are more likely to finish first in long term relationships.

    I'm wondering about the "assertiveness" issue--bad boys are assertive and nice guys aren't? If we bring the "assertive" issue into it, is a better description for the nice guys actually "boring" guys? I get really really irritated when guys don't suggest ideas for things to do and places to meet, or just say "oh, whatever you want is fine." Yes, whatever I want is fine, but sometimes I get sick of always being the "idea" person. To me, a nice guy is someone who makes an equal effort to suggest activities and work out logistics, so that I don't always have to.

    Thanks Bobby!

  10. Hi Christina, you touched on, what I believe to be, a major factor (you also ruined my next post)...kidding, I'm probably posting it anyway :)
    In my opinion, assertiveness is the key for nice guys. If they aren't assertive somehow, they can be, and many ladies describe them, as boring. This makes sense, but is also the "Rub" because most nice guys don't seem to be assertive, or don't know how.

    Thanks for the insight :)

  11. ...Buuuut the women who marry the nice guys often cheat on their husbands with bad boys. Who can be said to win of those two?

    Being a "Nice Guy" is no good. It doesn't make anyone involved more happy. Men should be assertive and in control of their own lives without being jerks.

  12. Anonymous,
    I'm not sure where your statistics are as to married woman cheating with bad boys?
    The second part of your comment seems to mean that nice guys are jerks. I absolutely disagree.

  13. I don't have any statistics. One can't exactly quantify a bad boy or a nice guy in numerical data. All I can say (anecdotally, of course) is that I've seen lots of Nice Guys get played by their lovers. It has also happened to myself several times, but now I've stopped acting like a "Nice Guy" and a doormat and it seems that both men and women respect me more in all areas of interpersonal relationships.
    As for the second part, I was actually suggesting that being a jerk, which is the commonly suggested alternative to being a Nice Guy is just as bad. Men should have a balance of sensitivity and assertiveness above all else.

  14. Hi again Anonymous,
    Thanks for your clarification!

    "...Buuuut the women who marry the nice guys often cheat on their husbands with bad boys."

    For a statement like this, one would think that it has some factual basis, not necessarily stats, but some source of information. I now understand it to be your opinion, which is fine, although I'm not sure I would agree because cheating is given to many reasons.

    I think I understand what you mean about not acting like a nice guy and doormat anymore. This, in my opinion, may be part of the problem.
    1. Many nice guys aren't acting, they are.
    2. I don't believe nice guys are doormats.

    I think the problem lies in the association. Would a bad boy who sacrifice's his time and energy to help his Mother be considered a Momma's boy? Some would actually say yes. Or if he gave up dating a lady because of time restraints with helping his Mom make him a doormat? Again, some would say yes.

    It's perspective based from association.

    I agree that nice guys aren't often the most assertive guys, but this doesn't make them doormats either. Somehow, someway, the nice guy has actually become a bad thing, yet most woman have said they agree that in the long run, they would marry a nice guy before a bad boy?

    I think both bad boys and nice guys are defined inaccurately and may write a post about this in the future.

    Thanks for your feedback and perspective :)

  15. I like your quote about women dating bad boys but marrying nice guys. I tend to think of bad boys as the guys that treat women poorly, and nice guys guys as ones that treat women well. I think it's as simple as that. I think that a lot of women are attracted to guys that treat them poorly and then as they get older and wise up they choose nice guys. It takes some women a lot longer than others to wise up, and some never do.

    For the women that wise up late in life, there are often a shortage of nice guys. The women who were able to wise up early already scooped up most of the nice guys. That's what I did.

  16. Welcome Tina!
    I can't add anything to your words and tend to agree with you here!

    Thank you.

  17. I agree with Tina. I believe women really aren't looking for assertiveness, that's the nice way of saying a guy who makes her do what he wants to do. The "nice" guy can assert to anything he wants to but the problem is he is probably being sensitive to what he thinks she wanted in the situation. She's always gonna pick up on this and convince herself how its all wrong and however considerate and sensative to her he is he really didn't and doesn't know what she wants. However let the opposite guy assert he doesn't want do anything but be left alone to watch tv, and after the fact agressively persues sex with her when he apparantly wants nothing to do with her otherwise, she rationalizes that he knows exactly how to appeal to her even though common sense and a lesson learned too late says he doesn't care what she wants.

  18. Darrell whoa, what insight! I don't see necessarily the connection between what Tina said and you, but I see that you have thought about this a little, huh?

    I think what I read is about the chase to a certain extent? I tend to agree. I also have talked with a lot of woman and they say pretty much that assertiveness is appealing, but not bad treatment.

    Thanks so much for your input here!


Thanks so much for your comment and input! :)

eXTReMe Tracker