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Sunday, March 8, 2009

Nice guys finish first part II

So, to continue the conversation from the previous post Nice guys finish first!, there were a couple of things touched on in the comments that I wanted to touch on here.

A problem that nice guys have, maybe the main problem, is the lack of assertiveness. Nice guys are often times shy and find it difficult to approach the ladies. They may have a lack of confidence due to many factors.

Anyone that follows my blog knows that I support ladies approaching guys. This alone would help solve some problems related to possible hook ups not happening. But how do nice guys become a little more assertive if he is interested in a lady that won't approach him?

I know there are self confidence blogs along with the PUA (pick up artist) movement, and from my little bit of research into these blogs, there is some good advice to be had. I do however feel that I have a good piece of the answer when I say let's work on the rejection factor.

No one like to be rejected, and if we feel ahead of time that we may be, we won't take the risk/chance. If a guy gets laughed at by a lady, or looked at like he has two heads when he approaches her, or gets one of those "Yeah right looser" comments, what do we think the odds are that he will approach another lady in the future?

Less rejection=more assertiveness.

It also appears, and in many cases rightfully so, that nice guys/good guys are boring. So, why is this?

Well, first off I have to state that this isn't always the case. Nice guys can be fun and may even be up to jumping out of a plane or bungy jumping. I think getting past that nice guy persona, which may admittedly take a while, may bare the fruit of excitement. But, it has to be given the chance.

I guess what I'm saying is that after a lady gets to know a guy better, if he's boring, then he's boring, but sometimes he may not be-it's worth finding out, isn't it?

So, what do we have so far...

Ladies and gents should approach each other.
Self confidence building.
A more kind, gentler rejection.

Less rejection=more assertiveness.
Giving a nice guy a chance.

Am I missing anything?



  1. In some other part of the world is so much easier :) Ladies shouldn't complain about nice guy not being assertive, because rather that than he's being a bad boy jerk. And assertiveness can be learned if we express a request, because guys don't always know what a girl want.

  2. Ah HSG, you make some great points!
    I believe that woman, for the most part, would rather deal with an assertive nice guy than a bad boy who may be a jerk. This is why I think nice guys should learn to be a bit more assertive, and ladies should feel ok about approaching guys.

    In Thailand and the Philippines, if a lady likes a guy, she might tell her friend to find out how the guy feels. I like this idea also because neither the guy nor the lady has to approach the other blindly :)

    As always, thanks for your input!

  3. Hi Bobby!

    I don't know... I think this is just too much thinking and too much planning ahead. Because there really isn't an exact formula out there how a guy and a girl meeting leads to dating, relationship, committment and then marriage.

    You do make a good argument about "nice guys" and I really have to agree they do finish last. Most women don't really like aggressiveness, but they do like a person that has motivation to go after what he wants. I think there is a big gap between the two traits.

  4. Hiya Sharon :)
    I agree about too much thinking for just about anything, or over thinking. What I'm doing here, or trying to do, is get all the angles, opinions, experiences etc, and then simplify them. The simple answer I believe for the nice guy is to be a little more assertive.

    You're right, there isn't any real formula per se, but I believe there are decent guidelines, that if simplified, can really help.

    I'm just tackling an age old problem and trying a different angle.

    Thanks for the input Sharon :)

  5. I like that you are looking at it from different angles Bobby...

    I do both- wait for a guy to approach and I approach... I have been rejected. It is a part of life.

    Does it suck? Hell yeah-

    But to me? The "what if" of an unseized opportunity would bother me more than the possibility of rejection.

    I just had a situation where I was at a private concert and this guy and I stared all night- for hours at eachother.

    I waited and waited and waited- he never approached me-

    I didn't approach him.

    I left.

    Opportunity forever gone...

    So...it is the responsibility of both to just jump and go for it when the feeling to do so is there...

  6. Amy, you and others give me hope that the standards are changing and the possibilities are endless!

    Thank you.


Thanks so much for your comment and input! :)

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