Personally, I tend to take the position that in general, people are good natured. I actually try to see the good in people.
When I was younger, say in my teenage years, it didn't really matter all that much if someone was a bad person, as long as they were cool with me. Sometime later in my life, I don't know exactly when, I decided that it wasn't enough that people are friendly with me, yet bad towards others.
An example might be something like this; I find out that a cool guy I've been hanging around with lately, someone that I have a lot of laughs with, is cheating on his girlfriend. Now, what kind of relationship he has with his partner is no business of mine.
What is my business however, is whether or not I want to watch this guy fooling around with woman other than his own. Whether or not, as time goes on, that I may even meet his partner and possibly becomes friends with her.
No, I choose not to be friends with someone like this. Instead, I will graciously step aside and stick with the friends who don't put me in that position, or possible position.
I understand that not everyone believes the same things I do, or practices the same things that I practice, but I tend to find differences a good thing many times. I happen to be friends with a few people who see life in a different way then I do.
All in all, I choose to surround myself with positive people. People who can bring new perspectives on things. People who aren't afraid to speak their minds, but aren't looking to bring someone else down in the process.
Sounds simple enough I know, but sometimes I find it to be just as complicated as it is simply sounding.
Who do you choose to surround yourself with?
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1 year ago
Life is simple. Do positive things for yourself, family and people if you can. It's your life, you will have the value/result/benefit for yourself...
ReplyDeleteThat's a good way of looking at life :)
ReplyDeleteI have to say I agree with your decision in this case.
ReplyDeleteI once--and this is going to sound superficial and petty, so brace yourself--stopped being friends with someone who took her gum out of her mouth and put it under the restaurant table. I hate touching old gum under tables. Now, at the time, I thought that this was the reason I let her slip from my life. However, as time went on I realized that if she had really been someone who I valued, I would have overlooked the gum incident, or at least talked to her about it. But there were other things about her that bothered me--she didn't look me in the eye much when we were talking, and when I tried to talk about something that upset me, she said "Oh, just don't think about it." I only realized later that the gum incident was probably an excuse.
In your case, cheating on one's girlfriend is much worse than putting gum under a table, and therefore it's much more understandable as a "see-ya!" kind of offense. But perhaps if the guy had been a really close friend, you would have wanted to try harder to get past the discomfort, or--as often happens!--make excuses for him.
Though I think it's great that you dumped the cheating waste of carbon.
CC at Onely
Hi CC,
ReplyDeleteExcellent point about trying harder to stay friends if the person was a very close friend. I answer this by saying that enough time has to go by for me to be really good friends with someone.
You're right in that I've never had a close friend cheat on his/her partner. I can only assume that I would confront them to stop it first or the "see-ya!" factor would come into play.
I always say that good friends wouldn't put their friends in bad positions.
Thanks so much for the insight :)
I've been thinking about that lately who I am friends with, do I let it go or stay friend? I tend to overlook their behaviors, sometimes it may bugged me but I let it go. I'm also friend with people who see life differently and it's their views. Everyone is entitled to that. If they are not positive minded - it's not the right time for them yet. If I've a friend like yours, that's unacceptable. You have to draw a line somewhere, do you wait until you get to know his girlfriend or do you make a decision right away?
ReplyDeleteDitto!!! I agree 100%~ to me it is as simple as this: you hang around with people who are playing in the dirt eventually you will get some dirt on you too:)
ReplyDeleteHi Jess, yep, we agree for sure. Like I said to CC, if it's a good friend, then I might give them a chance to change first. Everyone makes mistakes.
ReplyDelete"hang around with people who are playing in the dirt eventually you will get some dirt on you too:)"
lol Amy, great way to put it :)
I'm not saying that I'm a good person, but I chose my friends better, if I know they'll just give me some headaches, then better off with them.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, choosing your friends doesn't mean your arrogant, you just want to protect yourself from any possibilities. And you can still enjoy life and hang out with those who you think are good for you. :>
savemymarriage.com
Hi Kate, I agree and thanks for your comment. I also like the concept of your website and blog :)
ReplyDeleteI have at least two very close friends who have in the past confided to me that they have been in brief relationships with married men. Though this is something that I do not support, I never considered dropping them because of this revelation. My friends have loads of good qualities that I appreciate tremendously and we have an association and trust that took years to built so i would not throw that away so easily. I dealt with the situation by first realising that we all have our faults and at times make bad decisions (they soon realised the folly of that decision), their involvement with those men had absolutely nothing to do with me and did not affect me in anyway (so it really was not my business) and I had a heart to heart talk with them about why what they were doing was wrong etc.
ReplyDeleteAnd as I had suggested before, they soon came to their senses. Now can you imagine if I had refused to speak to them because of my feelings about infidelity? I probably would have lost two great friends!
Hi Island girl, thanks so much for your input!
ReplyDeleteThe example I gave was just one of many. I think we all have a limit about what we may accept from the behavior of our friends or not. Because I was put in this position before, and lost both friends, I choose not to walk down that path again.
If I were already a very good friend with someone, they would know how I feel about certain things, not just cheating. It would mean that they chose not to cheat among some other things that I may feel strongly about.
their involvement with those men had absolutely nothing to do with me and did not affect me in anyway (so it really was not my business) and I had a heart to heart talk with them about why what they were doing was wrong etc.
I understand this point. Let me ask though, what if you knew, and were friends with both and the guy told you to take a hike when he found out that you knew all along? Or, what if your friend/s didn't realize that what they were doing or chose not to care and continue doing it?
I agree, we all make mistakes and it is worth our time to keep our friends who have made mistakes, as long as they realize, like in your case, that they did make mistakes and corrected them. It's when they don't that I'm wondering how others feel?
I just choose not to stay in that situation. I think we actually agree (in the scenario that you presented.)
Thanks again Island girl :)