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Monday, December 15, 2008

The heart of the matter

It seems these days as I surf the web, I notice more and more relationship guru's. I'm not going to write about what makes a guru a guru, or about their certification as an adviser or even their expertise. No, I've touched on that here already.

What I would like to talk about today is you! Or more aptly put, each of us individually. What does anyone really know about us? We have family that has known us all, or most of our lives. Yet, how many of us feel very comfortable confiding in a family member about something as personal as sex? Or maybe troubles we are having with our partner?

What about friends? We all have had, or still have, at least one friend that we can confide in about our relationship woes, right? And do we feel completely comfortable telling that friend everything?

Sometimes when things get a bit overwhelming for us, we may look for the services of a trained therapist. This person knows how to help us identify and deal with our problems.

All of the above have one thing in common for the most part; a face to face encounter. This got me to wondering if the cyberspace is a more comfortable environment to get help, or at least, have an outlet for our problems. Let's face it, many of us are not the most comfortable laying out our vulnerabilities to someone in person.

Out in cyberspace, we can be anonymous. An unseen person with no identity other than the one we choose to show, or create.

So, do you think it's easier to ask personal questions/advice to the cybercrowd as opposed to someone in person?



  1. Good question/point, Bobby. I find this proliferation of expertise kind of disturbing. The other day something on Twitter wrote the funniest thing (I think it was The Bloggess) - # of lifecoaches she knew in real life = 0, # following her on Twitter = 7000.

    Online there are so many experts. Some real (who have studied hard and trained and worked to earn the title) and some self-proclaimed. If I really needed advice for something, whether it be a relationship, work or personal crisis you can be damn sure I'd find the time to find someone experienced and qualified to help me with those problems who would first take the time to learn about ME. Our problems/issues are products of our lives. Cookie cutter advice is not going to solve any substantial problems. In cyberspace we have strangers who may or may not be who they pretend to be doling out advice to strangers who are stating the sum of their problems in sound bites.

    No wonder we're all so f***ed up.

  2. Very powerful response Singlegirl. I tend to agree with you in that I would rather deal with someone I know is trained in that area of expertise. It's a bit harder to tell over cyberspace.

    I think it's harder to tell the real deal from the cookie cutters when dealing with an online personality. It's a shame too because I'm sure there are some very sincere people in cyberland that really want to help!

  3. It does seem to me that we have a tendency (and this applies to Americans more than any other) to regard shrinks and gurus as almost a status symbol.

    Mostly (the better ones at least), they simply try to persuade you to look a things logigally and sensibly, instead of getting all paranoid about things.

    With relationships, the first and foremost thing is to ask yourself if you'd like to be treated that way. However, we're all very different anyway, so it's often just a question of taking the time and the trouble to observe and listen to your partner. If you pay attention to him/her, it's often not that hard to figure out what he/she wants - whether or not you care to provide that is up to you and something you have to figure out about yourself!

  4. Great question- I think the internet is a great source of information- and that is all it is. If you are having an issue or problem the internet no more has the answer than the professional you pay to go talk to. Seek and you will find- the answer lies in each of us- when we are ready for the answer it will be mirrored to us through wherever we are looking- whether that be a family member, a trained professional, a blog, a magazine article...

    The Universe or what ever you want to call it is answering us in every moment through the things in front of us and all around...

    That is my opinion...:)

  5. CJ, I think when people are vulnerable, they tend to see others as so much more knowledgeable.

    "taking the time and the trouble to observe and listen to your partner."

    Bingo! I am a big advocate of this myself.

    Amy, I try to think about things as a kind of nirvana, where I send out positive and get back positive in return. Always seems like I need to send out A LOT more positive though lol


Thanks so much for your comment and input! :)

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