Changing our partners

As I am one to always think about relationships, especially the betterment of them, I wonder if we consciously, or unconsciously try to change our partners?

I do believe, as a whole, that most people try to change, even ever so slightly, their partner. For example, if a guy is sloppy when you meet him, and you don't complain about it or show that it's important to you that he be more neat, why complain about it after you get married? Or at least after the relationship becomes serious? Or, if a woman is a flirt by nature, and may even be the reason why you met her, why may a guy try to change her after they get together?

Yes, there are some things we may not know about a partner until later on in the relationship, probably because they put their best foot forward in the beginning, but I'm talking about the things we know about them almost immediately. Maybe on the first few dates you notice that a guy has a wondering eye. You may feel that later on, when you are more serious about each other, you can make him change his wondering eye habits?

Open communication in the beginning is as close as we're going to get to finding out who a person is, as well as them finding out about us. At least if that person has either lied about some things or misrepresented who they are, we would have a leg to stand on in confronting them about it. In this case, you're not trying to change them, but holding them to their own word.

Now here is where I believe we can get ourselves into a bit of trouble. If we know what the person is about and decide to stay with them, but they don't change, should we complain about them? There are any number of people who do this, as can be attested to even on talk shows. If the guy shows all indications of being a player, and you can't deal with a player, it may be best to move on even if that person has many other qualities that you love.

I guess what I'm saying is to get to know that person by open honest communication. If that person isn't willing to go the truth route, drop them.

If they are honest about themselves and those things that you don't like aren't really that bad (you can live with them), then pursue the relationship.


Don't try to change the stripes of a tiger.

Have you ever tried to change something about someone, or they you? How did it work out and how did you do it?

Happy new year everyone!

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