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Monday, November 3, 2008

A clarification on alpha males

After reading a blog recently by one of my favorite bloggers, the very talented Alphafemale , I came to the realization that I may need to dive a little further into the topic of beta males. I want to do this because I believe that there may be some misconceptions about what a beta male really is. Being a beta male myself, I feel somewhat qualified to tackle this topic.

The basic concept and description of the types of male is this:

Alpha male-cool, calm, collected, funny, charming, gets lots of sex, the leader, always in control, at ease, good looking, in shape, high status, jocks, masculine, confident, contentious, demanding.

Beta male-positive-minded, ambitious, whimp, marriagable, shy, reserved, funny, nice guy etc.

Omega male-real nice guy, loser, subservient, can't get sex. Some say the complete opposite of the Alpha male.

This is a hierarchy and there seems to be some confusion as to where the beta male fits in. Is he more like the alpha or omega? Is he right in the middle sharing both qualities evenly? Having taken the above types of male from a variety of sources, I would say there is a little criss-crossing between them all. And like most other things, no carved in stone-rock solid-unquestionable definition.

I think the misconceptions start coming in when we aren't quite ready or maybe willing to realize that not everything is so cut and dry. We tend to categorize, which is quite normal and even useful at times, but when dealing with such difficulties that can arise in relationships, there may be better ways.

These are a couple of things I'd like to tackle:

"I want a guy who can compromise, but I don't want a doormat."

I understand that many woman definitely don't want a doormat as a partner. Rest assured ladies, not every beta male is a doormat. He has a mind of his own and will, most times, let you know about something he disagrees with. Being an easy going guy and deferring to things you may want to do doesn't make him a doormat. Not standing up to you ever, even if he disagrees with you adamantly does. I have respect for myself , and although easy going, will indeed put my foot down where and when necessary.

"Im sure there are plenty of Beta males that would stick up for the family and what not.
Its just, if he came across an alpha he would back down. Thats a fact.

There are resources that I've read that pretty much said this as though it was a fact-it isn't! In my case, I do try to avoid having confrontations where possible, but have on numerous occasions stood up for my partner, and even my partner's friends. To say that I would back down to an alpha male, especially put forth as a fact, is a bit ignorant. Those who know me in person would indeed attest to the fact that I have many times stood up to alpha males for family, friends and partners. To say something is a fact, unless it is, is something that brings confusion and misinformation to those ladies that are sincerely looking for a good partner for themselves.

"But if you are with an alpha yes you get much more security in terms of protection ... but you have to put up with a lot of negatives aswell."

Again, I'm not quite sure where this comes from, but let me add a few facts of my own to this statement. I happen to know more than a handful of beta males that are highly skilled in the area of personal protection. Hell, I even knew a biker friend who, although was beta with his relationship, worked as a bouncer at one of the more jumping clubs here in Brooklyn. I can assure you that he, and others were better protectors of their ladies than some of the alpha males out there.

In closing, there are many sites out there that offer good information for those that want to know what an alpha, beta or omega male is in general, and as it pertains to what they may want in a partner. The main point is that you should know who you are, what you want, and most importantly, keep an open mind. You may be surprised to find that there are beta males out there that are not doormats and more than able to protect their loved ones.


  1. I read HAF's recent blog post as well and I appreciate your clarification. I think a lot of people assume a beta male is an omega. You cleared up a lot misconceptions.

  2. Thank you Lisa, I'm glad I made some sense. I think it's important to help us realize that many things aren't simply black or white :)

  3. When we start to categorized, I think we tend to over analyzed. I agree, nothing is black and white. The only good thing when we categorized is that we can learn how to improve ourself. We attract to someone who doesn't fit into the lists we made, but that's because they have other qualities that we need to learn from.

  4. Hi Jess,
    Well put! I can see that you also have an open mind and are willing to take the time to find out about the whole person by giving it time :)

  5. Bobby, what an interesting topic.

    I'd never really categorized the men I meet into Alpha, Beta, Omega or whatever other greek alphabet there might be to describe how men are in relationships.

    I just think that we will complain about our partner whether or not they are perfect for us. It's just our nature to do so and I think we all need to take a step back and say "wow, he does this for me really well" instead of "i wish he was....."

    And, by the way, we should always be careful about what we wish for. It might not really be what we need :)

  6. So many men fall somewhere in between these classifications because we all take on different personalities under different circumstances. No one is perfect, the key is to find someone who's flaws you can tolerate ;)


  7. Hi Sharon!
    I never categorized a lady into this type category either. I just deal with her for what she is and what kind of compatibility we bring to each other.

    I just wanted to clarify the idea that even though there are guidelines to different personalities, we should keep an open mind as we may find that we may be a little off about who the person truly is.

    Thanks for your input Sharon :)

  8. Hi Miss Matchmaker!

    You said it very eloquently and understand exactly what I was trying to say :)

    Thanks for your input!

  9. Wow thanks Bobby for introducing some views about men, specially from a man itself like you. Very nice one! We all need improvements regardless of sex.

  10. ok how is it that I haven't been over here yet?!!!

    Dammit Bobby!!


    Well I think that you do put a really good argument over here.

    At the end of the day, everyone is different and can be an exception to the rule.

    What I'm talking about is alpha male characteristics.

    That is what pick up is all about. Being watever kind of guy you are and learning these alpha male characteristics that make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

    For me personally .. I can just spot which is the alpha male and leader for the group.

    Maybe that me categorizing, but hey, its just so dam obvious to me. lol


  11. well well well, if it isn't the hot alpha female herself :) Yep, I've been hiding this blog from you all this time lol.

    I know what you mean, but you know me, Mr. clarification. Be careful with your future vids and blogs-you have a watch dog now hehe.

    Thanks for stopping by :)

  12. Hi Joyce!
    Yep, I agree with you. I would love honest communication from people so we all could have a real starting place :)


  13. Thanks bobbyboy for stressing the importance of an open mind and taking time to getting to know the whole person.
    This is one of those "evolves with age" topics. As Miss Matchmatcher wrote, so many men don't fit neatly into those categories. And quite frankly I think it's a sign of immaturity and inexperience to expect them to. The way a person behaves in public frequently has little to do with the way they behave in private. I can think of several men I know who come off as complete betas in the public arena who are REALLY total alphas and others who are vice versa. That's just life. That's why it's important to actually get to know people and accept them for who they are rather than prejudge them or wish they could be something they're not.

  14. Yep Singlegirl, we agree again!
    I love the private/public example you gave-it's so true too :)



Thanks so much for your comment and input! :)

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