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Sunday, October 19, 2008

My Friend Was Being Abused on a Nightly Basis & I Had No Idea

This weeks topic comes from the talented Abiola Abrams from thegoddessfactory. Writer, TV personality, novelist, indie filmmaker & goddess passionista.


Hey Loves,
Do you know how devastating it is to find out that a friend of yours is in an abusive relationship? Most of us are blind to what really happens between our friends' closed doors. We think, we're smart girls, we got that memo but domestic violence does not discriminate. We all may have felt our self worth compromised in an intimate relationship, right?

This time of year people like to call special attention to domestic and relationship violence but this is an important cause all year 'round. So critical that my short film Ophelia's Opera, which you can watch HERE, is about this very topic.

Also, check out the site of my friend Yasmeen Ati (name changed for her protection) Dream of Joy Free of Abuse. Tonight, in her honor, I will be making an appearance at a breast cancer benefit at Ashford and Simpson's NYC restaurant The Sugar Bar. Come by if you're in the neighborhood at 8pm.

Here is an excerpt from Yasmeen Ati's blog:
It is like a story book romance. You meet a man, maybe resist, yet he still pursues you. He just won't give up. Eventually, you give in. He's not like the other man you have meet. He really seems to be into you. You give him your number and he calls. He calls often and is really sweet. He listens to everything you say and is romantic. Everyone meets him talk about how charming he is. You often hear, "You are so lucky to have meet him."

The relationships progresses quickly. Next thing you know you are engaged, married and with child. He wants you to stay at home and the raise the baby. You have a home and a loving, caring, supportive husband...so what is wrong? It starts with his temper. Okay, he just really passionate and occasionally loses his cool. No big deal though, you just have to get better at not making him angry. Right?

You realize as long as you do what he wants, when and how he wants it the relationships is cool. That is not a bad exchange to have your prince charming, right? Now you are dependent on him because you do not have an income of your own. You have to ask for everything little thing. You feel more like a child than a spouse. If he's upset, you will get punished. The things is that usually after he has one of his 'fits', 'tantrums', 'emotionally episodes' or whatever you like to call it, he makes up by being really romantic.

He is also jealous. He checks the phone bill to scan all the incoming and outgoing calls. He checks your emails. He goes through your mail. He checks your wallet, goes through your belongings and always checking up on you. He doesn't want you dressing in certain outfits anymore. He may not just come out and tell you not to wear dresses anymore. He may volunteer to do the laundry and accidentally bleach your clothes. He may take you on a wonderful shopping spree and suggest what you need to wear.

The point of this, is that Domestic Abuse, is not the typical stereotype of a man that physically assaults his spouse. It usually starts and deals with physiological means of controlling an intimate partner. To the outside the relationship may look like a fairy tale, but behind closed doors you may be living a nightmare.

Be safe ladies and gentlemen. And be loving - to yourselves first of all.


If you are in an abusive relationship, get out! Here are some helpful links:

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224


  1. Hi, Boboy

    Very nice post boboy.I guess many women get info about this situation.I guess the man is controlling her.Gosh, she's like being in inside an invissible caged all the time. This is some kind of an example of mentally torture.

  2. Thanks for your comments on my pages and for voting as well :)

  3. Hi Boboy

    Just checking if you have new topic as well.

    See yah around.


Thanks so much for your comment and input! :)

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