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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Defining ourselves...

You know with all th research I've done dealing with relationships, I find it boils down to self. Not in a selfish way mind you, but it's about knowing who we really are, what we want, our realistic goals and how we choose to get there.

Sometimes we have to conform to society, whether we like it or not. We may have to buy a tuxedo or dress for a wedding, dress up for a club, follow rules/laws (even if they're ridicules) etc. But these conformities are normal and agreed upon for a society to function as well as possible. Problems, as I see it, come into play when we have to sacrifice ourselves.

For example, if one is single and looking for a partner, we have already been conditioned as to what we need to do to have a chance in finding one.

Looking good
Dressing sharp and being well groomed is fine, but what about extremes that individuals take to fit in? Cosmetic surgery, dangerous weight loss programs, toupees and hair dyes, tanning solons; the list goes on and on. There may be health reasons as well as practical reasons for some changes we make, but what about the ones we make because others have made us feel bad about ourselves-who we are?

Material things
What are the odds of ladies looking at a guy that drives up in a farari, has the door opened up for him by a valee and steps out with a thousand dollar suit? Probably the same as a guy who takes the train to the club with a hundred dollar suit, right? Not very likely.

Peer pressure
We have to try and fit in, or be a part of the "In crowd", even if some of those actions aren't really us, or we may not get invited.

These are just some examples of how many of us may change ourselves to be attractive. How many times though have you experienced, or heard about, someone coming home from work or a date, and taking off the nice clothes for a pair of sweats and a tee shirt? Why? Because that's who they really are. You aren't a morning person on your day off, so you get up and loaf around the house without doing your hair or even showering. Well, not if your newly found "Friend" is on his/her way over to meet you for breakfast. We take that part of ourselves (loafing) and put it away for awhile, at least until we are married lol.

How far should we go to change ourselves or our behaviour in order to gain the approval of a partner? I've thought about this lately and decided to go with the advice I have heard so many people give each other through the years; Just be yourself because if they like you that way, the chances are better that the relationship will last a lot longer.

How much are you willing to change?


  1. Hi Boboy

    It's really hard sometimes to define ourself.Especially that our life is imbalance as saying goes nobody perfect.So my secret is keep on reading on this scripture.Reminding me that i should stop wanting.

    I Timothy 6:6 says that " GOdliness with contentment is great gain." Let your satisfaction be in Christ, and be content in Him.

    Allen's darling...

  2. I don't know but one thing for sure that I don't need to change just to find the right guy. It's better to be of yourself and express who you are and if the guy still like you then maybe it will do a lot different.

    Just as me...

  3. Hi edele, glad you agree :)

    Hi AD! I agree and keep working on myself for the better. I'm getting there too :)

    Hi Gracie, I can't agree more, you said it very well :)

    Thanks all for the input!

  4. Not agreeing! :P
    Just kidding. I do agree. The relationship will never last otherwise.

  5. hahaha Jessica, wiseguy ;)
    You got me lol


Thanks so much for your comment and input! :)

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