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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The effects of marriage on marriage.

We have seen a divorce rate on the upswing for many years here in the U.S., at or about fifty percent. A recent article that I read, The divorce rate in the US has lowered recently, but so has the amount of couples getting married. has shown the divorce rate on the decline, which at first seems like good news for the institution of marriage. However, the statistics show that this is because people have decided more and more not to get married. I think it only stands to reason that if something is broken, it needs to be fixed. People are choosing in greater numbers not to get married because marriage is broken!

There was a time not so long ago that people got married and stayed married. They did so for a variety of reasons, some good and some not. A woman didn’t have much recourse if she divorced her husband, as the courts seemed more in the husbands favor and the woman, especially with children, found it very difficult to get by. Woman would stay in an unhealthy marriage because of the ineffective legal means to escape and probably the shame of the failed married. The husband, who would feel this same shame, would stay in a broken marriage as well.

Back in the days of the “Leave it to Beaver” show, many couples felt that a divorce was completely out of the question. They were devoted Catholics, or Christians who took their wedding vows very seriously. Many others, who also may have had strong religious beliefs, wouldn’t dream of divorce for the sake of their children.

It seems that the tides have turned over the years and men these days have a very real worry as to the penalties they may receive in a divorce settlement. The courts have been favoring the woman with heavy alimony or maintenance fees. He may even loose half his pension at the time of his retirement. If the woman decides to be a little nasty in a divorce, the man may have to fight tooth and nail just to be able to have limited visitation rights for his children. These are some reasons that deter men heavily from getting married.

Marriage is broken and it’s high time we took a deep look at fixing it. As it stands now, societies views, standards, expectations and pressures on and about marriage need some serious overhauling. I have seen all to many times where a young couple have gotten married because of the pressures of family; what is supposed to be. What is supposed to be is what should happen naturally, not because of expectations or pressure. Many times parents put the expectations that they had as youngsters on their children instead of guiding them and assisting them in a very serious decision.

Reading an article by Creative Blogger, Only one thing worse than the “F” word and that is the “M” word-Marriage!, I thought it was a good idea to make it harder to get married so that those who do, do so because they really want to. Maybe having the couple take classes or even counseling as one commenter suggested in the article. They could even be told of the possible devastation and consequences that divorce can bring.

I was watching the TV show, “Chelsea lately” with the guest Jenny McCarthy. During one of the segments, they were talking about relationships. Jenny McCarthy said something to the affect that she believes couples should get “Relationship renewal licenses”, which, after say a five year period, would be up for renewal or not. This sounded like an interesting idea to me as well and yet another tool to possible help mend the broken marriage situation that I see across this country.

I think taking a hard, open minded and honest look at how we can make marriage a more lasting and fair institution could, and would strengthen the fiber of our family structure.


  1. I tell ya, I think that is something good there! Many relationships are not healthy in in the first place then they bring marriage into it!

    Relationship therapy is the answer but for how long????


  2. Single, you are so right! We need to understand a relationship way before we should bring marriage into the picture.

    "Relationship therapy is the answer but for how long????"

    I think it would be a continuing process. Not so much as to how long, but to how. Acceptance by society that something is broken in our current relationship values might be a good start.

    I'm holding my breath though; I'm an optimist :)

  3. Relationships need maintenance work. But, some are lazy, some overdo it and some neglect.
    Finding the right balance is what keeps a relationship going. Thanks for your posts!

  4. Well said Carina!

    Your comment is greatly appreciated.


Thanks so much for your comment and input! :)

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