I think we all have an understanding about what cheating is and the negative impact it can haveon a relationship. Whether it be at cards, contests or relationships- "Nobody likes a cheater." But, what really are the reasons for a person cheating on their partner? To tell you the truth, I'm not so clear on that point.
For the male part, it is said that males are very visual and get turned on by the sight of a sexy lady. They get affected right away. As opposed to females that get turned on by something about the male. Not that there isn't some cross-over here for both of the sexes, but as a general rule. Does this have something to do with cheating? Is there more of a lust factor with one morso than the other? Do we see someone that turns us on so much that we're willing to take the chance and cheat?
I have believed for a long while now that for successful relationships to happen, both partners must like each other. I don't mean love, I mean like each other. Love is an important element, but maybe over the years we loose that newness feeling that we had in the beginning. In other words, it seems to lesson or change. I believe the liking of someone may be more concrete or lasting. We can have friends for many years or even forever because we like them and want to be around them. We have fun with them, enjoy their company. Do we continue to like our partner?
I have seen time and again that a guy isn't as attracted to his partner because she has gained weight. She isn't as sexy to him as she once was. Is he still in love with her? Does he still like being around her? I have known of two cases where both ladies got heavier and both the guys seemed just as attracted to them as in the beginning. And yes, both guys really enjoyed their partners company.
Is there actually any reason to cheat at all? I mean, if your partner cheats on you, you can break off the relationship without cheating. If you fall out of love with your partner, same applies, be honest and break up. Maybe you need the emotional support that you use to get from your partner, but no more? There are probably many reasons that people can drift apart and probably many are substantiated, but cheating? Is this an answer to mend a broken relationship?
Do you have a theory or opinion for understanding the reasons for cheating and why they are or are not valid.
p.s. the spell check isn't working now for some reason, bare with me.
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First of all, great post! You made a lot of excellent points.
ReplyDeleteI think that reasons for cheating can be complicated and unique to the situation. For one guy, it might be that his wife has become cold and critical over the years, and he feels undesirable. Then--bam!--in walks a new co-worker, and her interest pumps his ego. Another guy might simply be a jerk who sees an opportunity and takes it with no regard for who might get hurt.
The bottom line, as you said, though, is that cheating is a selfish action, and there's no excuse for it. This "have my cake and eat it too" mentality has inflicted so much emotional damage on so many people, and now we have a nation of walking wounded. It's no wonder we have so much trouble trusting and being open in relationships. Anyone who's unhappy in the confines of a relationship owes it to his or her partner to be honest and end the relationship, just as you said.
You also hit on the difference between liking and loving someone. Funnily enough, my cuz in NJ had the same thing to say last Thanksgiving. She's had a bad 20+-year marriage, and she said to me, "I'll tell you what. It's more important to like someone than to love someone. Because on the days you don't feel that loving, you can still enjoy being with the person." Of course, personally, I don't understand how anyone could fall in love with someone without also liking them, so for me it kind of goes without saying. :)
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