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Monday, January 21, 2008

Age of discrimination

Picture source: http://www.intuitionps.com/Home.html

One of the issues through the years I've heard discussed, and more recently debated, is the age difference that is acceptable between a couple. Reading through many comments and opinions about this subject has taught me one thing; No one really knows what the answer is.

We can't look to history as a solid answer because as we all know, morals in history have changed somewhat. I mean for example that a couple/few centuries ago, when a young lady became of age to become pregnant, it wasn't just acceptable for her to marry, but preferred. The age of the man didn't seem all that important either. I know there are some reasons for this, but they really don't seem to help the age difference question today.

Even when I try to get answers from law, I find that the legal age is different in many cultures. Not to mention that the age is also different within the same culture sometimes. So, I just stick to what the legal age may be in that particular society as a basis for saying, "The age gap is no good because one of them is not legal." Aside from this though, what's a good guideline?

One may say that an age difference of say 30/20 is the acceptable limit (Male to female respectively). Another may say 45/20 and yet another 70/20. I use the male as being older in these examples because I actually do come across these age differences in other countries. I know the examples can easily show the female being the older one, but for the sake of my sanity, let's use the male. I'm also going to stick with cultures other than western ones. There are large age gaps in couples in western countries as well, just not as prevalent or common (Or maybe even acceptable?) as other cultures.

When I first saw many couples with large age gaps, as I touched on here, I also felt that something was wrong with what I was seeing. I didn't really know what, but I felt something was wrong. I know it stemmed from the way I was brought up in my culture and the values of the adults around me at that time, but what were those values? I had heard as a kid from time to time, "He's too old for her" or "What's he doing with her at his age" and other comments like these. But, what do these statements really mean? Who's to decide what they really mean anyway? Well, me of course, and you.

It just seems to boil down to opinion really and that being the case, here's mine.

Live and let live. If a couple are happy in a relationship, are not hurting anyone, and both are of legal age for that society, it's fine.

I think this pretty much covers my opinion on the matter. I have the same type opinions when it comes to cross cultural and inter-racial relationships as well, live and let live, but that's another subject.

I always tend to screw people up when they actually do give me an answer for what's the proper and acceptable age gap between a couple. I mean, it's like a numbers game or something. A 40 year old man with a 21 year lady is wrong! OK, but is a 39 year old man acceptable to be with her? Maybe the 40 year old is acceptable with a 22 year old lady? I know that maturity probably needs to be a factor here for both parties, but it also does in any relationship, right?

If you have an opinion about this, please post it. Unless it's racist, bigoted or ignorant on purpose, those are never welcome!


  1. IMO, this is such a personal, subjective matter. One 21-year-old girl may be mature enough to date a youthful 39-year-old guy, whereas another 30-year-old woman may still be enjoying her swinging single life and be nowhere near ready to settle down with a 39-year-old man who's looking for marriage and children.

    Statutory rape laws are in place because we know sexual abuse is harmful to children, and we need somewhere to draw the line. Obviously, at the upper end of the spectrum, the boundary can get blurry.

    Often it seems it's the younger, less experienced member of a May-December pairing who walks away with the most emotional damage, and it's that fact plus the incest taboos that are evoked when we see a young person with someone "old enough to be their father/mother" that I think raise so much ire in observers. Less consciously perhaps, people, especially women, resent the young and the beautiful "stealing" eligible bachelors from their own cohort.

    That said, I don't think there's anything morally wrong with an older man or woman dating someone "half their age," but I do think that these relationships are prone to problems that aren't relevant with smaller age differences, and that can be a strain. Power struggles, old parental attachment issues, and differences in maturity, life experience, energy level, sex drive, and the desire for children can all come into play and stress these couples in a unique way. Of course, the older both members of a couple are, the less these factors will be important. A relationship between a 20-year-old and a 40-year-old, for instance, is likely to play out very differently than a relationship between a 40-year-old and a 60-year-old.

    So, bottom line: I don't think it's anyone's call to pass moral judgement on legal May-December romances, but for most couples, the age difference tends to work against their long-term success.

  2. I think you described many of my views in a better, more understandable light. I should have put more emphasis on maturity in this post as it really is a key factor. I think many of the break ups I have seen through the years in May-December relationships were do to a maturity difference, not necessarily age.

    I think individuals will have a better chance of growing up when society does. Imagine?

    Thanks for your comment Elsie!

  3. Women get mature in their early age but mostly men starts to bloom @ 40s LOL so instead marrying younger guy i marry an old fart..., 50s & 30s not bad. Machine still active hee hee wink wink.

    Age doesn't matter to me, as long as he's physical fit. Mature,Responsible and a loving person.

  4. Hugme,

    I love your sense of humor ^_^ although it seems to make sense also lol

    I hope my machine continues to work just fine!

    "Age doesn't matter to me, as long as he's physical fit. Mature,Responsible and a loving person."

    100% agree!
    Thank you.

  5. lol @ u bobby!! but u won't know until u try to 1 pinay for a pinay are good in checking 1, 2, 3....test! machine is still active LOL

    If you need any pinay consult your doctor hugme bwahahahaha

    Btw, thanks for your comments & for visiting my blog too

  6. Hi Doctor Hugme :)

    Having been to the Philippines, I have to be careful of all the lovely Pinay's. I'm sure they are very capable of checking 1,2,3 machine working ability lol

    I also know that they are wayyyyyyyy lovable and adorable ;)

    And thanks for your visits and comments also!

  7. ur welcome....and i still have more to go to read all your post here since they are interesting hee hee

    good for u find us lovely and nevermind LOL.


Thanks so much for your comment and input! :)

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